Getting out of the spiral of a familiar negative thought loop.

Whether you are want new levels of well-being, confidence or contentment you'll need new thought patterns to get you create them - because what got you here won't get you there.

Most of your thinking is repetition. Habitual thoughts patterns. You're wired that way but you can change those patterns and create new ones.

It's challenging because when you are in the grip of an old familiar, less-than-helpful thought pattern it can feel like those negative thoughts are the truth. But they are not.

I get it. Thursday morning was a mess. I got up to do my meditation but my toddler woke early and cried inconsolably. Very quickly I began to feel pulled in different directions and in came my personally familiar negative thought pattern: resentment.

My son needed me but I wasn't able to soothe him. The crying and clinging, meant I was confused and my cortisol (stress hormone) started spiking. I tried everything I could think of. Meanwhile, my partner asked for my attention on his work. He was also trying to soothe the baby but in the moment, I couldn't see that. I could only feel the frustration that the day hadn't started with the meditation I know supports me and the tug of needing to meet everyone else's needs while mine went unmet. Again.

In a snap, I was spiraling. Angry, overwhelmed, narrating stories about how I never get support, how I always have to fix the house, how no one sees what I do. It all felt true in that moment.

But those stories aren't truth. They're patterns. And they are triggered by stress. When I'm carried along thinking them, they feel true, they feel like they define my life but then I remember - they are in fact simply thoughts.

Stress has a body.

Feeling bristly and frustrated, I took my son with me into the bathroom. He was still crying but I thought I may as well have a shower and claim some of what I need, however before I could, he started to settle. I softened. The tenderness returned. He fell asleep on my chest, and I realised - he must be unwell (his Dad had already thought this and given him calpol) My system responded with care and was calmed to know I could help him.

Still, the stress lingered.

Even after the calm, I found myself rushing. Racing thoughts. Resentful thoughts. The inner critic fired up. Judgements about how the house shouldn't be like this, my life shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't be like this. And then, seemingly randomly, I knocked something over. I didn't know how it happened and it stopped me. I realised it was my body still speaking. My system was still in stress mode from earlier.

That realisation brought me back.

This wasn't about clutter or communication. This was a nervous system loop. A cycle of stress and negative thinking. One that begins with an external trigger and quickly gets internalised as "This is who I am. This is how life is." But it’s not who I am. It’s not who you are either.

If you’ve ever thought like "this must just be who I am", you’re not alone. But let me gently challenge that: your thoughts are not you. They’re survival strategies your nervous system picked up to keep you safe. And they can change.

Stress distorts reality. And when you’re in a fear or panic state, your thoughts follow suit. For me the familiar loop is resentment, lack and overwhelm, but you will have your own habitual versions. 

Your mind is designed to utilise patterns and shortcuts. When you’re under stress, it defaults to old patterns that were at one point helpful maybe it defaults to “I’m not enough (I must do more) or “I always mess things up” (I must try harder / there's something wrong with me) or "No one sees what needs doing" (I have to do everything myself).

But you can interrupt these patterns. Pause the default track, and choose a different one.

The good news? You can spiral upward.

The first step is noticing. Naming. "I'm in a stress loop."

Then comes the choice to shift. Breath and movement are crucial to shift out of the physiological state. Stretching, shaking, consciously breathing help to reset the body first. Then the mind follows.

Instead of fuelling the loop with more of the old thoughts, choose to ground. name the thought without making it truth. "ah, there's the resentment story again."

A Simple Practice:

1. Pause and ask: Is this thought true, or is this stress speaking?

2. Place your hand on your heart or belly. Breathe with an elongated exhale for at least 90 seconds. Use this guided 2 min practice if you wish.

3. Name the thought as a thought: "Here comes the old resentment story again."

4. Return your attention to your body. Move. Breathe. Choose a a new thought e.g. "I'm safe and I can change this pattern".

You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness that notices them. And that means you have power, even in your most triggered moments.

That morning, realising the stress had simply triggered an old pattern of thinking allowed me to step out of it. From there I remembered all the resources, love and support I have, moved into appreciation and then I chose what I wanted from calm and from power.

This is the work: noticing, softening, choosing.

It’s not always easy. But it’s possible. And over time, it becomes natural. You remember who you are, even in the mess. You reclaim your energy, even in the chaos.

So if your day has spirals, if fear or anger come knocking, and you're find yourself thinking "this is just how it is" - breathe.

You get to choose again.

Right here, right now.

Because all we have is today. All we have is now.

Just 90 seconds of conscious breathing begins to reduce the cortisol in your body - this guided practice will show you how.