My Journey Through Perfectionism, Self-Discovery, and Coming Home to Myself

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment my personal development journey began, but it was around 15 years ago, in a town hall in North Manchester. I had volunteered to be a coach with a charity called Youth at Risk, and the training blew my mind because it was there that I discovered my inner voice for the very first time.

Up until that point, I was the voice. I didn’t know it could be observed, let alone influenced. It was simply a running commentary in my head that was my normal.

The training brought this and other profound insights and I became hooked. Obsessed with coaching, personal development, and anything that promised a better version of me. I took more courses than I can count. Spent tens of thousands. Worked with coaches, shamans, therapists, Hindu swamis - all to aid my quest.

But I now see that I wasn’t trying to become my best self.

I was trying to fix myself.

I was on a quiet, desperate quest to discover what was wrong with me - and how to finally get over it.

Looking back, that breaks my heart.

Because while my personal development path was exhilarating, enlightening, even sacred at times… at its core, it was driven by a belief I had buried so deep I didn’t even know it existed. A belief that said:

“There’s something wrong with me—and I need to figure out what it is so I can finally feel good enough.”

The coaching industry itself often reinforced that belief. I kept hearing:
“If you can just get over your blocks, you’ll be amazing!”
But the unspoken message was clear:

You’re not amazing yet.

Despite being articulate, intelligent, high-achieving - I was quietly living in shame because I had a constant sense of not being good enough and working overtime to not let my flaws be spotted.

I was a chronic people-pleaser, I had little sense of my own boundaries or connection to my own needs and I was often resentful and overwhelmed (although I didn't understand why).

I remember feeling a sense of pride when a therapist told me I was the most lacking in self-compassion of anyone she had ever worked with. As if my relentless self-criticism was a virtue. As if being hard on myself meant I was doing life right.

I constantly felt like I needed to be doing something productive and I wore 'stressed and busy' like a badge of honour. I remember going for a massage and feeling a strange pride when the therapist told me how many knots I had. “See? I’m stressed. That means I’m busy. That means I’m important.”

These traits got me so far, I was working in TV, had a busy social life - I was highly functioning but I was exhausted.

I was exhausted, not from life but from myself.

I held myself to an impossible standard, and I berated myself for not meeting it.

That’s it! That’s the real root of the problem. The cause of my suffering:

Negative thinking, perfectionism, shame.

That voice that says, you should be better by now, which took so much from me.

That voice stole beauty, joy, and presence from moments that deserved my full heart.

Meditation entered my life when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2011. I hated it.

My mind wanted to strive and push, not sit in silence and breathe. I wanted results, not stillness. But the science was undeniable, and something in me - something deeper than the voice in my head - knew it mattered.

Still, it wasn’t until my divorce that I really surrendered. I had to. My life crumbled, my future dreams shattered and I was filled with shame and fear. I was scared I ruined my daughter's life, heartbroken that our family and my marriage was over. I deeply longed for a son - it felt like he'd be taken from me he seemed so real to me. During these years my father also developed dementia; my husband and my beloved Dad were both still in my life but, seemingly cruelly, no longer there for me.

Life wasn't letting me strive in the old ways. Terrified and heartbroken, I (eventually) cracked open, I was finally forced to slow down and feel.

Perhaps you've known a turning point too? Where you've suffered a major loss, or had an awakening moment that asks you who you are and what really matters?

It was either turn inward or unravel. And through those dark years, I began to soften.

To see that I wasn’t broken and I never had been.

Flawed? Yes.

Human? Absolutely.

But also sensitive, intelligent, caring, articulate, and full of grace.

It’s been a long, layered journey and it is ongoing. In fact it is eternal and I will never be done.

A process of healing - not by “fixing” myself, but by meeting myself with compassion time and again.

Feeling feelings I’d been trying to outrun.
Grieving the years I spent being cruel to myself.
Forgiving the parts of me that didn’t know any better.

These days, I live differently.

I strive differently.

Every day, I strive to love myself exactly as I am. And to feel what wants to be felt in the moment, like grief or joy and to make space for both.

To notice the unhelpful patterns - the negative thoughts, the perfectionism, the self-judgment - and to breathe and soften around them.

There is nothing to “get over.”

Only realignment. Align back to my truth underneath the noise of my inner critic, back to myself.

The inner voice of perfectionism and pressure is still there but I know how to notice and let it go (more of the time, not always).

I’ve had to create a new rhythm - one where I’m allowed to rest, to soften, to be enough exactly as I am.

And from that space, my life has transformed.

Not because I forced it, but because I aligned with it.

Today, I’m a coach and guide for high-functioning, caring humans who are exhausted from striving. Men and women who try bloody hard in life and while what they've created might look great on the outside, they still feel like they’re not quite enough on the inside.

I help them release the shame story.
I help them shift from fixing to reclaiming.
And I walk with them as they remember who they really are.

I work with people like me, typically unselfcompassionate, usually ambitious, wonderful humans. I help them to see and accept their own brilliance and worthiness exactly as they are. I help them release feelings they've been running from and to see their own patterns that are exhausting them and robbing them of joy, peace and clarity.

Together we create daily practices to embed new patterns and release the old ones. Initially it brings relief and hope, which is always deeply touching to me. From there, as the habits deepen my clients grow to enjoy new levels of satisfaction and happiness in their lives. New and exciting things become possible for them.

I've helped people grow businesses and I've helped people exit businesses. I've helped people feel ready to start a family, or feel good about choosing not to. Careers, health, relationships and finances all get to thrive when you aren't beating yourself up and you are clear on how much you want and deserve it.

Healing doesn’t come from analysing your past, it comes from loving what was never broken. Happiness doesn't come from proving your worth, it comes from what you tell yourself about your life. Realisng these things are how we begin to grow in the most satisfying, enjoyable and easy ways.

I look at my life now, I see a life I never could have planned, but one that is far richer, deeper, and truer than the one I was striving for. My daughter, now a radiant teenager and my best friend. My beautiful sweet step-son. My incredible partner who accepts and loves all of me so freely, supports me so wonderfully and is my adventure partner. And my son, our son, the one who brought us together as a family, my wild dream boy is here. (Read here about how his birth was the most mindful process I've ever experienced).

Our home is filled with fun, love and play, mess, plants, connection and more. My work is full of purpose, creativity and impact.

My life today is rich, beautiful, and abundant.
Not because it’s perfect.
But because I’m no longer at war with myself.

The key is that same thing I learned on day one: awareness of my inner voice and the stories I listen to that it tells. Now I actively choose the supportive, expansive, hopeful thoughts and as I do my life grows in wonderful ways.

So no, I didn’t fix myself.

I came home to myself.

If you are ready to see what life is like when you are not longer at war with yourself but truly aligned - I’d love to walk alongside you.

Angela x

How to work with Angela? The Mindfulness Masterclass is the best starting point. From this foundation you'd be well placed to engage with one to one sessions and start to turn the ship around one day at a time.